Adults Don't Make Messes

 This week I was able to accomplish more things than I have in a long time! I planned for the 8th grade Prom and pulled it together, I played in the Powder Puff football game, I shopped for an outfit for my son for Prom, I took my daughter to her Saturday recital rehearsal, took my daughter to her recital on time, and helped my niece and another dancer get dressed backstage! I almost felt like the mom I used to be.

Of course, I couldn't make it to the actual Prom to chaperone because I was beat from the day and didn't take my daughter to her weekday rehearsals because I was tired from work. Every day, I go home and go straight to bed and rest. Then I eat dinner, in bed, and stay there until I have to go to work the next day. I had been feeling so depressed lately because I felt I was depriving my kids of a "normal mom". I mean, my mother has to come to my house every day to clean for me and my sister helps me out by taking my daughter to dance during the week, but my 4 year old daughter made me feel so much better.

She and my husband were both sitting with me in bed. My daughter was telling my husband how much she wanted to grow up and be an adult. Of course my husband told her he wanted her to stay his baby forever, and in order to convince him it would be a good idea, she said, "Adults don't make messes so then it would be good because I wouldn't make a mess anymore Daddy." I asked her why she thought adults don't make messes and she responded, "Adults come home and go straight to bed, take their medicines, watch TV and stay in bed so the never make messes."

I knew she was talking about me and immediately felt sad for my poor baby who thought all adults do what I do so I said to her, "You are talking about Mommy not all adults," and she responded, "That's okay Mommy, I love you! You are the best mommy in the world!" Somehow, she knew that I was sad and she said exactly what I needed to hear. She knows at four years old that I am sick and doing the best to be her Mom that I can. AND, she loves me and appreciates me all the same.

So, even though I am not the perfect mom, I am their perfect mom. I need help from others, but it doesn't make me less of a mom, or less of a woman. I know a lot of women with Lupus out there want to be the women they once were before Lupus, but it is not possible. What we have to do is stop trying to be what we were, and strive to be the best Mom with Lupus that we can be.