Overlapping Flares

Symptoms Today:

1. fatigue (of course!)
2. Sinus Pain/Pressure
3. Stiff/Achy Joints
4. Dry Itchy Skin
5. Weight Gain (Is that a symptom? I feel my pants get tighter every day!)

Today is actually not so bad. This past weekend, I had a migraine that started Friday night and ended Monday night. How many hours is that? 72 hours?! I had to miss work on Monday but I am thankful that it went away by Tuesday because my students are STAAR testing this week. (Texas state assessments) Believe me it's a big deal and I had already been getting crap about "possibly missing work" on these days as if I pick and choose when I get sick.

So I have been stuck all day in the class watching students take a standardized test and I am not allowed to even read while they test. (4 hours long!!!!) So, naturally I was falling asleep. Even while  I walked around the room my head would start to plop down. Thank God I had snacks.

Well, as I was walking around trying to keep my eyes open I started to think of my flares and they remind me of something terrible I experienced 5 times: childbirth and contractions. I remember they hooked you up to a machine and you could see the contractions on the screen. It would start to rise kind of forming a steep mountain peek then fall as the pain subsided, but the problem I started noticing with my contractions was that one was not even over before another one began! That is how I feel with these flares. Last week right before my migraine episode, my mouth became full of mouth sores/ulcers. Then came the migraine, fatigue, etc, etc... But, I never felt any relief or rest from the flare before. Is this happening to anyone else?

Things I am grateful for today:

• I got out of bed this morning
• I dressed my son and put him on the bus
• I made it to morning duty semi-on time
• One student actually read a book and asked to borrow it  (Yay! You can't imagine how happy it makes me)
• Of course, my husband and kids
• My mom because she wakes up early to drive to my house to take care of my daughter while we work

As a matter of fact...

Alright I am going to get it out of the way and list all the things that are wrong today:

• sore throat (strep again?)
• fever blisters (ouch!)
• cough
• congestion

Okay, so I sometimes feel bad for being such a negative Nelly and complaining all the time in this blog, but I really can't complain to my loved ones, friends, or co-workers. So, this is my outlet and it is a fact that every damn day SOMETHING hurts! I think it is important to let everyone know what a struggle it is to constantly live with pain. IT IS ALWAYS THERE!

Maybe that is why there isn't a cure yet....as women (of course men get Lupus too) we tend to ignore our own shit to take care of everyone else, and we also downplay our symptoms. Studies show that Lupus patients downplay their symptoms even to their own doctors. It is true though. When I go to the doctor, I kind of give him the top three things that are bothering me because there are so many things I can complain about,

If you are out there suffering, let people know; let your doctor know EVERYTHING. There is no shame in stating what is a matter of fact.

And, in the attempt to be more positive, I am going to list the positive things in my life that bring me happiness. Remember Oprah and the Gratitude Journal? These are the things I am grateful for today:

• I still have a job
• I got up this moring
• I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, AND put on make-up
• My mom who helps me so much
• less Lupus Fog today
• My husband puts up with me (and I can put up with him even with the Prednisone)
• My kids are healthy (evidenced by the constant racket and mess that they make)

My cup runneth over!

Okay so you are never going to believe my weekend. Friday I barely made it to work right as the tardy bell rang. (I teach middle school) So I was hurrying down the hall trying to get to my class before the principal saw me when I get distracted by a large group of 8th graders congregating infant of the office; they definitely seemed up to no good and I noticed one particular student walking towards me. (who I might add hates me because I am always on his case) As I moved around him to avoid any trouble, I felt a foot hit my ankle and before I Knew it I was falling. I didn't even have a Chance to brace for the fall; I fell flat on my face And in that instant I fainted. I have been extremely weak lately because I an aneomic and I am flaring. So to make a long story short, I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance and I spent the entire day in the emergency room with a neck brace waiting for the doctor to release me. To make things worse at the end of the day the drugs he prescribed were nowhere as good as the ones I already have! That goes to show how little these doctors understand about Lupus.

Flash forward to Sunday -tonight- I have a Cold! Wah-Wah Wah-.- AND I can't go back to works until
Tuesday And although I held the rest I can't afford it! This illness is killing me financially!

So my life sucks? No! Although this illness has made me feel so lonely because no one really understands how I feel, people really surprised me. when I got out of the hospital and checked my phone there were a lot of text messages from students and coworkers asking if I was okay and wishing me well. Even my teenage son, who makes a point of torturing me, apologized for stressing me out! So in the end, even though I am in bed coughing and sniffling, I am grateful I am alive and surrounded by family and great friends. My cup runneth over!

This is Lupus!

I have started following a few blogs of really remarkable women with Lupus that deal with it with a wonderful positive attitude and they look great. So I think what the hell is wrong with me!?

I can't go a day without complaining about something hurting or bitching about something!

Today, I didn't go to work because I became overwhelmed in the morning when I couldn't find shoes for my daughter and Clothes for my boys to go to school. The anxiety mixed in with the fatigue just took over and I had to call in sick. Another missed day-another pitiful check next month! So, l went back to bed and no one went to school except my husband. He actually threw it in my face that he was paying most of the bills now that I was "Choosing" to stay home so often now. Of course, he didn't get the Kids dressed and take them to school because that is my job! And, he wonders why I am overwhelmed and sick and tired and anxious!

So here I am in bed again in an inside out school shirt that belongs to my husband because none of my Clothes fit Comfortably anymore while my kids make more of a mess in the house! Am I the only Lupus patient that doesn't have it all together and Can't Keep the house clean and the laundry washed and not in 2 giant piles (clean/dirty) and can't keep her husband "Satisfied"?

Phew! I am a hot mess as they say! l want to be positive but the only thing I could do is laugh at myself so I don't cry because now on top of it all, I have breakthrough joint pain even though I already took Vicodin and Celebrex and Tramadol.

This is me with Lupus moon face and all!

Two Steps Forward and One Step Back

So I guess I upset some people with my last post but honestly I meant no harm. I have only had the diagnosis for as year and a half but have been dealing with symptoms and doctors for over 10 years! Shit, sometimes I just have to laugh so I don't cry! So sorry if I offended anyone!

Anyway, so I was so happy because I had made it to work for 6 straight days and then Tuesday came and kicked my ass. I couldn't get up to get my kids dressed. My poor husband was asking where their Clothes were, and I bit
head off! (I think that was the Prednisone talking) Seriously, I didn't care how he did it; I just wanted them gone so I could sleep -and sleep I did! All day into the night!

I am trying not to get down on myself about missing work but just knowing that they are docking me over $150 every day I can't teach gets me feeling like a failure. So, I try and remind myself and my family that I need to take it easy so I can make it to work.

Today, I made it to work. I had a pretty good day; I only yelled at and wrote up one 8th grader who couldn't find his seat. (Again, the Prednisone?) I Came home straight to bed and ordered my hubby to get us dinner and I don't feel guilty about it. I am doing what I have to to survive. That's all I have to say about that!

Weight gain and tv

This year I have gained so much weight it is starting to bother me. I don't diet and going up and down in sizes usually doesn't bother me too much. But, I am now getting bothered because skin is touching skin! I see and feel my double chin and rubbing thighs so I decide to do what I never do: diet and exercise.

Even more crazy I started using a fitness app that keeps track of my calories and exercise so I could lose weight. now, everyone knows prednisone makes you gain weight but I just realized just how much.

As I was using this app, I thought it would be hard to stay under the calorie limit to lose weight but day after day I was under the allowed calorie intake without even trying! So I should have been losing weight right? No! I am gaining?! What the hell!

So I came to the Conclusion that it isn't just that I live in bed watching TV without exercising that is making me fat, it is the medicine. I mean really, not just as an excuse and doing what everyone suggests, eating right and exercising, doesn't always work when you have lupus.

I say lay in bed and watch TV till your hearts' content and don't feel bad about it! You need your rest and if Prednisone makes you feel belts to hell with it if it makes you fat. Make yourself comfy and join Get Glue or Viggle and get something out of your forced bedrest. I do! I have earned over 100 stickers on Get Glue, and I am on my way to earning fine merchandise on Viggle just by watching TV.