Monday, October 19, 2015

Lupus Fog- What a Bummer!

Since my diagnosis in 2011, my brain has slowly turned to mush. It used to be easy to work around. I downloaded tons of organization apps and didn't go anywhere without my agenda. But, aside from the constant pain and lack of sleep, losing my mind was what made me lose my job. I just couldn't keep up with my teacher paperwork and my mom responsibilities. 

So, now I stay home. I look at my day as a success if I am able to accomplish one thing...one goal. For example, if I am able to get up and dress my kids for school- to me this is a major accomplishment because I make my kids miss school due to my illness at least 3 times a month. Completing even one single inane chore makes me exhausted. 

This past Friday, my son told me he really wanted me to attend his last middle school football game. I hadn't been able to attend not even ONE game the entire season because I hadn't been able to get up that early in the morning, but I wanted to be there so badly. The next day, game day, I woke up early, and I sat in bed watching Netflix until I had a sudden urge to check my phone. I saw a text from my son telling me the game had been moved to 11 am and I was suddenly horrified when I realized it was 1 pm and I had missed it! I felt like the worst mother! How could I have forgotten about his game? It was as if someone had taken the Etch-a-sketch that is my brain and erased everything. 

Lupus, fibromyalgia, thyroiditis, sjogren's disease, and possibly scleroderma have changed my life drastically, but to lose my mind as well? I don't even feel like the same person. I am now the sick, cognitively-impaired, disabled  woman who can barely take care of herself much less 5 kids.

Thursday, October 15, 2015