One Day at a Time

Last night I went out with my family to pick a tree, we went to the storage unit to get the ornaments, we went out to dinner and we decorated the tree. My kids were so happy and I was happy just looking at them.

So what's the problem? Well, what you can never tell from the great Facebook photo is that it took me practically all day to get out of bed.

First, I argued with myself about getting out of bed to get the Christmas tree. I mean, I knew in my head that it was a perfect day and that we wouldn't have time all week, but I was so tired and weak. Then, I convinced myself to take a bath, which most people find easy, and afterwards I needed to rest for a few hours. Can you imagine having to rest from a bath?

All the while, my poor kids, who were ready, kept coming in to my bedroom and asking if I was ready to go. For a while, I had resigned myself into putting it off for another day. I felt so guilty knowing they wanted to do this so much. I sat in bed and argued back and forth in my mind: I'm too tired, you can do it, I'm too tired, get dressed damn it! Finally, around four in the afternoon I managed to get myself dressed and out the door.

Before Lupus, this wasn't me. I was a better mom and wife. Sometimes, I get so depressed when I think about how hard even the little things are and how different I am, but last night when my kids were busy going through our boxes putting up their ornaments I was happy. For that moment, things were okay and the fact that I was exhausted and in pain got pushed to the back of my mind.

Today, I payed the price for all the activity. I felt like I got hit by a truck and my chest hurts. I made it through work by giving the kids a quiz and staying at my desk. When the bell rang, I ran out with the students and headed home...to bed.

Well, what can I say about my life? I have to take each day as it comes and learn to appreciate the moments of happiness. What other choice do I have?