Let's Talk About Weight Gain

Firstly, I haven't blogged for years for many reasons but the top two are: one, I lost my ability to focus and think and two, I got tired of complaining and feeling like no one cared. But, lately I have been thinking I really need to continue blogging if only for awareness. I still run into ER doctors who truly do not understand lupus at all. 

I want to talk about lupus and weight gain mostly because I have gained so much weight since I was diagnosed. I went to dinner last night and looked in the mirror and freaked out. I look awful! 

I typically spend most of my time at home and in bed and if I go out once a week it is a lot so I typically never really look in a full length mirror. I've been in a kind of depression the past couple of years. I can no longer work as a teacher. When I try to exercise, I feel awful for days. So, I send my kids to school in the morning and call it a victory. Then I go to bed and go back to sleep. I bingewatch shows. I read sometimes...not enough because again I can no longer focus. So, that has been my life. 

When I saw my my reflection yesterday it shocked me in to action. I went walking after dinner for 30 minutes last night and tonight. That seems like nothing, but to me it is big! But, I know what is coming tomorrow or the day after...a flare that will bring me to my knees but this time I am going to push through. I must. I am obese when I never have been. Most people with lupus die of heart disease and I am now 47 and have cholesterol.  It has become a life and death decision.  I must stay with it not just because I am overweight but perhaps it will keep the myriad of symptoms at bay. Maybe it will help my depression. Maybe I will be able to teach again. It is a lot of maybe's...God help me.

When your gut is telling you something

http://www.mollysfund.org/2015/11/lupus-and-the-gastrointestinal-system/

Okay, so lupus brings on a myriad of gastrointestinal problems, but so does fibromyalgia and I have that too, and hypothyroidism and you guessed it, I have that as well. So, my I am navigating being sick as it comes. Let me tell you, it is difficult when you don't know what the hell is wrong with you and what illness is causing it and neither does your doctor. It makes me want to scream!

The worst thing is the chronic constipation. This last run lasted 5 weeks. That is right folks, 5 weeks without going to the bathroom for number 2. I was taking all the meds the doctor had given me from the previous time, along with fiber and water and nothing until today. It was only a few rocks but I felt a little better. At least it wasn't like the last time I had a dry spell; after 4 weeks of constipation I then got severe diarrhea and cramps.

Well, I am going to take today as a small victory but I have to see the gastroenterologist although I dread it. I find it hard to find the energy to get up and take a shower, forget about actually getting to my appointment and waiting for hours to see another doctor without answers. It gets to be depressing and demoralizing when doctors don't or can't help, but I know I can't give up.  

http://www.mollysfund.org/2015/11/lupus-and-the-gastrointestinal-system/

Lupus Fog- What a Bummer!

Since my diagnosis in 2011, my brain has slowly turned to mush. It used to be easy to work around. I downloaded tons of organization apps and didn't go anywhere without my agenda. But, aside from the constant pain and lack of sleep, losing my mind was what made me lose my job. I just couldn't keep up with my teacher paperwork and my mom responsibilities. 

So, now I stay home. I look at my day as a success if I am able to accomplish one thing...one goal. For example, if I am able to get up and dress my kids for school- to me this is a major accomplishment because I make my kids miss school due to my illness at least 3 times a month. Completing even one single inane chore makes me exhausted. 

This past Friday, my son told me he really wanted me to attend his last middle school football game. I hadn't been able to attend not even ONE game the entire season because I hadn't been able to get up that early in the morning, but I wanted to be there so badly. The next day, game day, I woke up early, and I sat in bed watching Netflix until I had a sudden urge to check my phone. I saw a text from my son telling me the game had been moved to 11 am and I was suddenly horrified when I realized it was 1 pm and I had missed it! I felt like the worst mother! How could I have forgotten about his game? It was as if someone had taken the Etch-a-sketch that is my brain and erased everything. 

Lupus, fibromyalgia, thyroiditis, sjogren's disease, and possibly scleroderma have changed my life drastically, but to lose my mind as well? I don't even feel like the same person. I am now the sick, cognitively-impaired, disabled  woman who can barely take care of herself much less 5 kids.

Lupus/Fibromyalgia/Sjogren's Syndrome Sufferer's Anthem

http://lupus-exposed.tumblr.com/post/131235168394/this-is-the-lupusfibromyalgiasjogrens-syndrome

Exceeding Expectations

Today I dropped off my son at school, I went to my daughter's school to order a shirt, I went to therapy,  I dropped off something for my husband at work, I picked up a form from my oldest son's school and I dropped off a prescription.

I was feeling pretty proud of all I accomplished until I spoke to my mother. She started asking me if I had done A, B or C. I was so angry at her! I yelled at her, "Mom, I could barely get out of bed most days...I do what I can!" "But the kids need your attention...."

I just hung up on her. Holy hell people can be so damn insensitive! What sucks is that she is the MOST supportive person in my family...including my own husband.

http://lupus-exposed.tumblr.com/post/127733181669/today-i-dropped-off-my-son-at-school-i-went-to-my

Finding a Job

I have worked as a teacher for 17 years; 15 of those at the same middle school. When I first got diagnosed I realized that I needed to make changes so I asked my principal to be moved to a less stressful position. Now, if you don't know how most schools work, subjects that are tested are the most stressful and difficult mostly because a teachers success or failure impacts the rest of the school. So, the principals micromanage every move we make while other non-testing subjects are left alone to just teach.

 Anyway, the principal decided to move me into an elective called "Study Skills" where they took the lowest performing kids in 6th, 7th and 8th grade in my class so I could tutor them. Instead of teaching 5 classes a day they gave me 6; well, actually 12 in a two day cycle. I had 4 6th grade classes, 4th grade classes, and 28th grade classes of student who didn't "elect" to be in my class and were pretty much the worst behaved students in the school. Oh, and they took away a planning period.

Well, you could only guess that this year really brought the lupus out with a vengeance. I went to my principal again with information on lupus and begged to be moved to another position and he moved me to 7th grade ELA where the students have to take and pass a reading, writing, and grammar test. I have always been able to handle everything and anything but I started calling in sick way more often than they liked. By Christmas break, I knew I had to do something and when my coworkers started insinuating that I was faking, I decided to take the administration's suggestion to take a sick leave. I was out from January to the end of April.

 Then whole time I was thinking that I needed to return but they replaced me on week after I took my leave so the district placed me in an elementary school for the month of May. I was placed in a Read 180 position which was absolutely perfect for me. I was so excited because I was in a job I could handle. I was working with 4-6 students at a time for about 45 minutes. It was perfect because of my limitations but also because of my qualifications. I have 27 graduate hours in Reading so I felt God was opening another window for me. I was shocked when the principal of the school told me she had no job for me because she already had someone in mind for my job. That was it...the district then sent me back to 7th grade ELA again.

The next school year, which was 2014-2015, I only made it to October of course. My lupus was out of control. By this time, I had gotten diagnosed with fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome as well.
I went straight to Central Office and begged them for a compatible job even accepting a job as a teacher assistant but they never called me back. Then one day in April I received a letter stating I was fired and had lost my insurance....oh, and they sent my 15 year award with my husband.

Since then, I have been so depressed. I can barely get out of bed because of the pain but I know that the depression makes things so much worse. Here I am, 41 years old, and I feel thrown away. My family is struggling to keep up with our bill since I am on disability insurance and they pay me so much less. My insurance is about to run out so I am desperately applying for jobs in the closest three cities. I am applying for jobs as a teacher aide or a computer lab assistant. I applied for a job as a part-time tutor, but I have only been called back for one interview and they have filled the jobs I am overqualified for without even allowing me to interview!

What is going on here?! I feel that these districts are not calling me because they know I have a disabling disease through my past employer. Could this be the end of my career? I don't know what to do but keep applying, sending out emails, and calling the schools personally but it stinks that they hired one of my former students as a teacher with 0 years experience and I wasn't even interviewed.

If anyone thinks that people living with lupus or fibromyalgia ask for disability to get money out of the government, I hope this changes your point of view. I have to live with pain every day of  my life and now I have no way to make a living. I feel like an empty shell of my former vibrant, energetic and successful self.

The migraine is back!

Lupus and fibromyalgia cause migraines. I am beginning to feel one starting and I already know it will wake me up at 2 am. I just hope this one doesn't send me to the ER and that it doesn't last too many days. I think I need to start seeing a pain management specialist ASAP or maybe even a neurologist. The ladt thing I need is more doctors. I can barely get out of bed to go to the appointments I have now.

Pain, Pain, and more Pain

I am in pain; so much pain. I googled pain and this is the image that came up that pretty much summed it all up. My head is throbbing, my shoulders and neck in spasms, my hips are inflamed, my back is shooting bolts of lightning up my spine and down my leg as well as the pinching in my butt, and last but not least, my knees aching so much I could barely stand. I know I am getting old, I am forty, but I feel like an 80 year old woman.

This week, I tried to explain to my boss how this disease- no it should be THESE diseases- affect my ability to go to work. He looked at me and TOLD me he understood but then immediately after stated it was important I attended extended day planning every Wednesday. For those of you who don't teach, this is like after school tutoring for teachers. We are herded into a classroom while they watch us do our homework. Anyway, I was sitting in his office telling him how my body was not able to tolerate being at work longer than the regular work day-that I needed to go home immediately after the end of the school day so I could rest and be able to return to work the next day, but after my whole song and dance he still asked for me to stay after work not only for extended day but for duty.

It is frustrating! These past two years I have figured out that every time I stay at work past 4 or insisted on doing something after work, I have been unable to get out of bed the next day. This school year, I have already been out 1 and a 1/2 days. One day was the day after "Meet the Teacher Night" and the 1/2 day was after my Thursday duty where I come in early and leave late. It is really so stressful for me because I pride myself in being a good teacher, but when I can't get out of bed, I can't get out of bed. 

Oh well, I think I am just going to be a bad teacher and not show up for duty and leave right after school ends because in the long run, my health and the time I spend with my students is the most important thing. To hell with the extended day planning!

Phantom Pains

I am struggling. I am struggling with my weight.  I am struggling with pain. I am struggling with getting out of bed. I am struggling pretty much alone because even the people who care FOR you get tired of caring ABOUT you.

Jeez it seems that in this day and age there would be a cure for the myriad of illnesses that are holding me hostage but no I am forced to take medicines that fix one thing and cause another but it is only an illusion because I am NEVER really better. I have pain somewhere all the damn time and I swear it is lonely.  No one around me gets it and it really makes me feel so much worse.

I read many blogs of people who struggle with lupus and fibromyalgia and Sjogrens syndrome and arthritis and scleroderma and hypothyroidism and manage to have a positive attitude and outlook but I don't know why I can't. Do other people have great doctors and friends?  I keep going to doctors and they are nice and well meaning but they don't ever have answers...just more doctors and more pills or injections. It is pretty damn hard to feel positive when something is constantly attacking my body from the inside-a phantom menace inside just destroying my hips one day then stabbing the top of my foot the next or shooting fire up my spine or down my leg. So I am struggling with all of this all by myself while my family and the few friends I have left just look at me with pity and go on with their normal lives. I seriously don't know how all of you do it.

My New Normal

As a teacher, I am lucky to have many holidays off that most people do not get. I am off for at least two weeks during Christmas time, four to five days during Thanksgiving, and of course one whole week during Spring Break. Now, that was great for me as a mom, but not as a person. Either I was babysitting other people's children at work, or mine at home. That is no kind of vacation!

So, I often relied on my ten sick days a year. Before I got sick, these were used for two reasons: kids sick day or my favorite, what I called a stress day. On stress days, I would call in sick and send my kids off to school and do things like go to the mall to shop when it was empty or see a movie when it was empty and pretty much decompress. I often wondered what it would be like if I could do that any or every day.

The past few years, things changed. My ten sick days were used because I WAS SICK and it went from ten or eleven days to over twenty! It got so bad, in January I was forced to take a temporary sick leave. I was hoping that if I stayed home and got away from all the stress at work I would feel better. Think again.

Nowadays, I spend the day in bed. I wake up and send my kids to school. (Disclaimer: I have actually stayed asleep after a long sleepless night and not sent my kids to school a couple of days) Immediately after, I go back to sleep. My two little ones stay with me and my mom comes over to make sure they are taken care of and fed. She also makes sure to wake me up so I could eat. She cleans and washes clothes for me and pretty much waits until my husband gets home from work. Somewhere in between I home school my two little ones from my bed of course. 

Things sure have changed for me and for my kids. Today my daughter was angry because Netflix on our television wasn't working right and I didn't get up right away to fix it. "I wish I didn't have a sick mom that always has to stay in bed!" It truly stabbed me right in the heart-the emotional pain was much worse than the costochondritis pain I already feel in my chest. This disease is ravaging my body but it also affects my poor children. I wish I was the normal mom I once was...the mom who could do it all, but this is my reality-my new normal.

I Fell Off the Face of the Earth

I hadn't written in my blog because I lost my job. It really shouldn't have been so devastating, but when a person is a teacher it becomes a big part of his/her identity. I was invested in my school and my kids (students). I had worked at the same middle school for 13 years.

To make a long, long story short, the principal tricked me into taking a medical leave and promised me I would have my position when I returned and it was a big lie. He involved my friends and coworkers and it was ugly.My own friends had gone to show my boss posts I had made on Facebook insinuating I wasn't really sick. I felt betrayed by my so-called friends/coworkers and my administrators, because I am a great teacher even with my illness. My students were outperforming the other students in the grade level but because I had missed some days and I have lupus, they felt they needed to find another teacher to replace me. Now, I still work for the district, but when I return I have no idea what school or city I will be working in. My district encompasses three cities.

This happened the day I returned from Christmas break and I haven't returned to work since. I cried for about a month. I unfriended all my coworkers from Facebook and then refriended some. Finally, three months later, I feel I can write again.

As far as my health, this incident has only made things worse. I am pretty much bed-ridden 24/7. I would say I leave the house 1-2 times a week at best. My mom comes to my house every day and help clean up and feeds me and my little ones. I don't know what I would have done without her these past few months. My body is going into free fall. I am in pain almost every minute of the day and the pain meds are not even touching the pain. I started seeing a new doctor-I drive 6 hours because she is in Houston-and she found I am extremely anemic and am testing positive for scleroderma. Wow, on top of having hypothyroidism, lupus, sjorgren's syndrome, and fibromyalgia, my body is adding scleroderma.

I am not trying to be a downer, but that is life with lupus...at least it is for me!

Feeling all sorts of things

Okay so right now at this moment I am a little depressed. No, actually very depressed. It seems that every day I develop all sorts of new symptoms that I have to deal with on my own. I am not only a mother and caretaker for 5 children, but I am my own caretaker. I sound like such a whiny little girl, but I have to admit I am so tired of taking care of others when I could barely take care of myself. No one asks me how I feel, and if they do, they don't listen to the response; they just ask to be nice.

 My husband doesn't ever ask. It is as if nothing is wrong with me. He even got annoyed with me because I sent him to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions and it was over $100 as if I haven't been taking a bag full of pills every day for two years now! Really?! I am alone in this endeavor and it is truly depressing. The symptom of this week was seeing colored flashing lights out of my left eye. This happened the day before a major migraine so through simple deduction and a Google search, I came to the conclusion that I was experiencing what they call auras. Anyway, I will have to ask my doctor of course, but no one in my life cares to hear about this so I am completely and utterly alone but surrounded with people who claim to love me. 

On the lighter side, if that is possible, I started something new to fight against some of the brown spots that have appeared on my face these past two years. I am trying Clinique's Dark Spot Corrector and the Moisturizer hoping to look closer to my old normal self. I will keep you informed just in case you have the same problem. This are the before pics....

Back to Work....Back to Incompetence.

School has begun and I started this school year on a positive note. I was given a better job placement-7th grade ELA and my students this year have been great so far. So, what could go wrong right?

Well, getting through the work week has gotten to be almost impossible  for me. This week I was out on Tuesday, Thursday, and Today. I am completely exhausted and unable to get the necessary rest. At night, my mind races with ideas, lists, problems, lesson plans, decorating ideas, etc. I fall asleep and my mind continues to race even while sleeping. When I wake up, I am exhausted and lying in sweat soaked sheets and I struggle with the decision of calling in sick or going to work. I argue with myself; telling myself that I need to go to work and then convincing myself that I need to rest. All the while, feeling completely overwhelmed by even the simplest of tasks: getting my kids dressed for school. This morning, I called my mom and told her to keep my 4 year old daughter at home instead of taking her to school, because I couldn't bring myself to get her dressed! What a bad mother Lupus has made me!

So, what could be causing this? I know that I haven't been taking Xanax before sleeping because I ran out and hadn't called the doctor for a refill. I called it in this afternoon, but I am certain that it is just the fact that I am working that is making me so sick. Right now, I feel somewhat good, but I slept all night and all day until 1:00 pm. It is insane that I need this much rest in order to have a few hours of normal. God help me!

Can you have friends if you have Lupus?

The other day I woke up in the afternoon after a long sleepless night and saw a message from a friend asking me to go to lunch.  I messaged her and apologized for not answering and made plans to go to lunch the next day.

Well, that evening I couldn't sleep and ended up falling asleep at 7:30 am. Can you guess what happened?  I didn't wake up in time for lunch. In fact,  I woke up at 6:00 pm. I felt like such a horrible friend especially after I grabbed my phone and saw her messages. I was too much of a coward to call her so I sent her a message trying to explain.

I tried to make up for it by asking her out for dinner, but even if she had said yes I don't know if I could have gotten out of bed; my body ached so badly! She was going to go running so she couldn't go to dinner and she said she understood but I felt like such a flake.

I don't have many friends left, not only because I am married and have children but now that I have Lupus,  I have almost lost them all including family. My family is still my family but many of them, like my cousins, are no longer close to me. We have grown apart.

I have missed too many birthday parties and get togethers. I wonder if this happens to others who have Lupus, sjogrens syndrome,  or fibromyalgia or people like me who have all three. I just wonder.

Well I have a third chance to make it to a late lunch with my friend tomorrow at 2 pm so wish me luck! 

GRIPES

◇extreme fatigue

◇insomnia

◇joint stiffness/aches

◇stomach issues

GRATITUDES

◇It's summer and I don't have to work! (Teacher)

◇My children are healthy and happy!

◇My husband is being very supportive! 

Summer is flying by!

Summer is flying by.  In case you haven't read any of my other posts, I am a teacher and am on a two month vacation from work! It is really flying by way too fast!

I have managed to go on two trips. One with my family to the river and a couple trip to New Orleans.  I am pretty satisfied with myself-that I was able to endure the activity and survive the weeks after.

Of course,  getting to sleep in every day and not having to go to work sure makes things so much better!  I have been working since I was sixteen years old, but it would make the quality of my life so much better if I didn't have to work anymore.  It is so hard to be a teacher and a mother with Lupus.

One thing that has been helping me other than tons of rest is gratitude. Being able to just look at the little things in my life that bring me joy and being grateful for the things I can accomplish have made me so much happier.   So here is a list of my "gratitudes":

Gratitudes
☆I walked one mile today
☆I made dinner instead of take-out
☆I wrote a blog entry

Summer is here!

Okay so I have had been feeling pretty good for about two weeks that I was taking higher doses of prednisone. I even went camping at Garner State Park in Texas for 4 days. I was out tubing on the river with my kids every day and I even had enough energy to cook for them twice a day. It was so much fun and I felt like a "normal" mom.  I expected it to kick my ass since I was out in the sun so much but nothing. I felt as great as a person with Lupus could feel!

Then the day before yesterday,  I went bowling with all the kids for my mom's birthday. Believe me that it is not normal for me to have the energy for so many activities.  Anyway,  the next day I woke up with so much joint and muscle pain I could barely move! I also got sciatica!  Now Lupus kicked my ass! The pain is not going away; not with Vicodine or Tramadol! I didn't even think I was exerting myself.

It sure was nice while it lasted! I have to say that at least I don't have to go to work! It's summer: the teacher rehab!

Prednisone: My Frenemy Part II

As I have said before, I am a teacher and I am two day from being free!!! Yes...I am 48 hours (give or take) from being able to sleep in and have to deal with my own kids for a change! I had been feeling so terrible lately with extreme fatigue, but I started Prednisone again last week and it gave me the necessary boost to make it through 8th grade Prom decorating, Powder Puff flag football, my daughters dance recital, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade students at the end of the school year, and everything else the last week of school brings for teachers. I have made it through 7 straight days of work without calling in. In fact, I haven't had to call in since starting the Prednisone.


Now, on one hand this "miracle drug" has allowed me to go about my life almost like a normal working mom these past two weeks, but on the other hand, I am at the highest weight ever in my life. I hate to dwell on this topic because it shouldn't really matter right? It does matter though. I just looked at my picture in the school yearbook and it is just depressing. I looked round and puffy and pretty much exhausted. It is B A D! Depression is something I struggle with so often and this weight gain and the physical changes I have gone through in the past two years do not make things easy. I had a picture of myself and my husband from two years ago on my filing cabinet and one student stood there shocked and said, "Wow...you looked so...so....," and couldn't quite finish that statement out of fear of hurting my feelings but I knew what she was thinking. I looked pretty and thin and now I don't.

Well, I guess that is life. A struggle to weigh the good with the bad. In order for me to get out of the house and work and take my kids to recitals, I have to deal with a lower self-esteem and bigger clothes. But, I do still wish I didn't have to make these choices. I wish I wasn't sick with this horrible illness. I hope that everyone out there realizes how lucky they are that they don't have to make these choices and appreciate their healthy lives.

Adults Don't Make Messes

 This week I was able to accomplish more things than I have in a long time! I planned for the 8th grade Prom and pulled it together, I played in the Powder Puff football game, I shopped for an outfit for my son for Prom, I took my daughter to her Saturday recital rehearsal, took my daughter to her recital on time, and helped my niece and another dancer get dressed backstage! I almost felt like the mom I used to be.

Of course, I couldn't make it to the actual Prom to chaperone because I was beat from the day and didn't take my daughter to her weekday rehearsals because I was tired from work. Every day, I go home and go straight to bed and rest. Then I eat dinner, in bed, and stay there until I have to go to work the next day. I had been feeling so depressed lately because I felt I was depriving my kids of a "normal mom". I mean, my mother has to come to my house every day to clean for me and my sister helps me out by taking my daughter to dance during the week, but my 4 year old daughter made me feel so much better.

She and my husband were both sitting with me in bed. My daughter was telling my husband how much she wanted to grow up and be an adult. Of course my husband told her he wanted her to stay his baby forever, and in order to convince him it would be a good idea, she said, "Adults don't make messes so then it would be good because I wouldn't make a mess anymore Daddy." I asked her why she thought adults don't make messes and she responded, "Adults come home and go straight to bed, take their medicines, watch TV and stay in bed so the never make messes."

I knew she was talking about me and immediately felt sad for my poor baby who thought all adults do what I do so I said to her, "You are talking about Mommy not all adults," and she responded, "That's okay Mommy, I love you! You are the best mommy in the world!" Somehow, she knew that I was sad and she said exactly what I needed to hear. She knows at four years old that I am sick and doing the best to be her Mom that I can. AND, she loves me and appreciates me all the same.

So, even though I am not the perfect mom, I am their perfect mom. I need help from others, but it doesn't make me less of a mom, or less of a woman. I know a lot of women with Lupus out there want to be the women they once were before Lupus, but it is not possible. What we have to do is stop trying to be what we were, and strive to be the best Mom with Lupus that we can be.

Questions, questions, questions

I have not blogged in so long! My body has been feeling like I have been hit by a truck! I was dying from sinus pain and joint aches. Pretty much a terrible flare.

I still haven't figured out this disease/diseases completely so when I went to see my rheumatologist he gave me two shots (one for pain and one for inflammation) but I don't even remember what they were called! Of course, Lupus Fog makes forget me just about everything! He also put me back on prednisone.

Well let me tell you that the next day I felt such relief in my face! The pain I had felt disappeared magically!

Fast forward 3 weeks later ...
I'm tapering off Prednisone and the Sinus Pain in my face is returning and I am starting to feel like crap again. The doctor had asked I get an X-ray of my sinuses And since I never want to leave the house (or more accurately too tired to leave) I haven't gotten the X-ray.

So, what do I do next? My next appointment is not for 3 more months. Do I ask for another appointment with the rheumatologist for another 2 shots of "whatever he gave me last time" or do I go see my primary care doctor and try to explain?

l feel like so much is left unsaid with this illness. I have been diagnosed with this illness for almost 2 years and l still have so many questions! This reminds me of the first time they sent me to the rheumatologist with a positive ANA and he told me not to worry-that I probably would never get Lupus. Then he shook my hand and walked but the door leaving me wondering what the hell he meant by that?!

That was over twelve years ago and I guess I did have something to worry about because I did get Lupus! That was ten years of wondering what the hell was wrong with me and going from one doctor to another looking for answers. I really did think that once l get the diagnosis all questions would be answered but I am far from that!

A night out makes all the difference

Last week I went to work two days out of five. Needless to say, I was quite depressed. I stayed home on Valentine's Day and ruined my husband's chance to show off b y sending me flowers at work; they were delivered at home because I was sick. That beautiful arrangement did brighten my mood and raise my spirits.

The next day, I didn't go to work AGAIN because I was so tired and achy even though I had slept all day the day before, but when my husband came home from work he got me out of bed and told me he was taking me out. OUT. I didn't even Want to get out of bed, forget about bathing and getting ready! He looked so excited so I peeled myself out of bed and got ready not knowing what to expect.

I quickly realized my wonderful husband planned a fabulous night out- even getting a sitter for the entire evening! We went to a fancy restaurant, then a movie, and when I thought the night was over, he took me to a suite filled with roses and champagne! It was something out of a movie-so romantic!

That night, I felt normal; not like the pathetic sick person. I didn't even realize how much I needed to feel like a normal women. I didn't even talk about a single ache or pain or doctor appointment. It was beyond wonderful!