Strep Throat Strikes

I have been having trouble at work-I'm a teacher-with my absences. Obviously the trouble stems from my Lupus but a lot does have to do with me and my choices.

Both my son (6 yrsold) and daughter (4 yrs old) were sick with a terrible cold last weekend and of course I had them in bed with me as I gave them their nebulizer treatments every couple of hours as my husband slept beside me. He woke up complaining they had kept him up "all night" but I don't remember too many breaks in his snoring.

So then in the morning when he is getting himself ready for work, I am trapped in bed under my cement duvet barely able to move debating with myself whether I'd be able to get up and go to work or not. I lose the argument, as I often do, and call in for a sub. Seconds later, my husband steps out of the bathroom and realizes I am not getting up. He tells me I have to go to work (which I know) and that we need the money (which I know) making me feel worse than I already did. He realizes he made me feel bad and kisses me goodbye and tells me to rest. I go back to sleep and he rushes out to work while my 15 year old and 11 year old sons stay in bed asleep because I didn't wake them up to go to school and my husband never had that responsibility.

So what is wrong With this picture? Plenty, but I can't blame anyone more than myself. I give myself all these responsibilities and take on too much thinking I am still the same woman I once was but in the end, I have to acknowledge that Lupus is a debilitating disease and I need help. It is kicking my ass! I've been complaining that my family is in denial about my illness all the while trying to do everything as I used to and killing myself doing it-literally.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to let my husband get away with not helping with the kids! Maybe I shouldn't make myself responsible for everything! My body is not exactly responding very well and what is going to happen if I die? The kids are going to stop going to school?

I wonder if all women with Lupus think they can do it all and instead make themselves sick out of pride? There must be a reason women more than Men are affected with Lupus!